{"id":152,"date":"2006-09-08T15:14:08","date_gmt":"2006-09-08T15:14:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/174.142.75.173\/~trekkie1\/wordpress\/?p=152"},"modified":"2006-09-08T15:14:08","modified_gmt":"2006-09-08T15:14:08","slug":"on-target","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/andy-thomson.net\/index.php\/2006\/09\/08\/on-target\/","title":{"rendered":"On Target"},"content":{"rendered":"

ruthlessly stolen from xmarks<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Dear Mrs. Ellis,<\/p>\n

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Ellis has been causing
quite a commotion in Target Department Store. We cannot tolerate this
type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from
shopping in any of our stores.<\/p>\n

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.<\/p>\n

Three of our clerks are attending counselling from the trouble your
husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Ellis have been compiled
and are listed below.And Please do not say ” it wasnt him” as He’s the
only man we know of that comes here wearing a kilt<\/p>\n

Mr. Ian MacDonald, Target Department Store Complaint Department<\/p>\n

MEMO<\/p>\n

Re: Mr. Ellis – Complaints – 15 Things Mr. Ellis has done while his spouse is shopping:<\/p>\n

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.<\/p>\n

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.<\/p>\n

3. July 7: Made a trail of pineapple juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.<\/p>\n

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ‘Code 3’ in housewares… and watched what happened.<\/p>\n

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.<\/p>\n

6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.<\/p>\n

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other<\/p>\n

shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.<\/p>\n

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’<\/p>\n

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.<\/p>\n

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.<\/p>\n

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.<\/p>\n

12. December 6: In the auto department, practised his “Madonna look” using different size funnels.<\/p>\n

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”<\/p>\n

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams “NO! NO! It’s those voices
again!!!!”<\/p>\n

(And; last, but not least!)<\/p>\n

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited
awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here”!!!<\/p>\n

16: Go to the pet department, stare at the gerbils for about 20 minutes
\nand then ask the clerk if they have any more in the back with more meat
\non them.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

He he. I have so many ideas for my final hurrah in Japan!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

ruthlessly stolen from xmarks: Dear Mrs. Ellis, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-152","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","category-japan"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/andy-thomson.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/152","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/andy-thomson.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/andy-thomson.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andy-thomson.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andy-thomson.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=152"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/andy-thomson.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/152\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/andy-thomson.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=152"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andy-thomson.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=152"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andy-thomson.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=152"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}